I'm crying uncontrollably, but I want to thank Robbin for giving her MANY many happy years. When Deb was a teen, I fancied myself as an artsy photographer. I snapped a picture of a small hat on her bare bottom. She was quite embarrassed by it and made me promise not to show anyone (I honored her wishes. After dating Robbin for a short while, she asked for a copy to show him. She knew right away that Robbin was the one. THANK YOU Robbin
So very sorry, Robbin. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Deb was a wonderful person and will be missed dearly by all. - Kevin and Elaine Haszko
My deepest condolences Robbin. May her soul Rest In Peace. Praying for you and your family. She touched everyone she met in a very special way. What a wonderful and a kind hearted she was!! - Manoj Kohli
Robbin, I really don't know what to say. I am very sorry that Debbie had to go through these last seven years of suffering. I find it amazing that someone could have the strength to fight for so long, and the courage and determination to end it like she did. Those are things that I'm sure I could not do for myself. I admire and respect Debbie to no end. I will always remember her with the same love and affection that always showed me.
My thoughts are with you and Ryan. May God continue to give you strength to live through these very hard times.
Hi Robbin, I just tried to post--twice--on the blog and I think what I wrote was lost. Also tried to email, but it wouldn't send. I need you or Ryan to help!!
Ed, Kate and I send our deepest sympathy. I know that we have grown apart, but I remember those dinners, the time at the lake and the warmth that you shared with us and especially Kate. Deb was my friend, always ready to give advice and to help. I remember working with Deb as my client, helping her to speak more clearly, hoping that she wouldn't give up, that she would keep using her voice...
I know that she researched and planned everything. She was always in charge, including orchestrating her own end. I know from personal experience that losing someone is never easy, whether or not it is expected. My mother lived for 26 years after a horrendous car accident, leaving her neurologically impaired. My father lived his life, as always, with his dog and wife by his side, falling one day and never regaining consciousness. Both deaths were excruciatingly painful for me... as I'm sure Deb's passing is for you and Ryan. The emptiness and pain and sadness stay with you, although time does heal. The good memories are real and help to ease the pain.
Please let Ryan know that we are thinking of him. He spent a good few years with us and he made high school bearable for Kate. He gave her confidence and helped to form the person she is now. I see that he is planning to get married and I wish them the best.
If you do come down to Glen Ridge (or nearby), please let us know. And if you are having a service here, please be in touch. I will keep checking the blog.
I'm sorry for your loss. You really were the perfect husband according to Deb and I hope God will comfort your sorrows. I am always here for you and Ryan whenever you need. I know this is tough but I'm hoping my mom will be a friend to her in heaven the way Deb has been a friend to me.
Very saddened by this news. My condolences to you and your family. I wish I had been on the east coast and had gotten a chance to be in her presence one last time. She was a beautiful human being, who exuded light- I always felt good when around her. She is one of a few people who have that ability to make others feel good no matter how hard her day has been. She will be greatly missed. May she Rest In Peace. Nalini
Robbin, Finally I am "publishing" on this blog! This is so "Carlson-ish". An excellent way for so many people, from all over to share stories of Deb! Deb - who taught me many things about a computer, who made it simple and enjoyable. And now, who knows how many times I tried to write on this from my IPad and it went......well.... who knows where!!!! Silly! What a hoot! Deb & I were always silly! So many great memories. Such love. What a deep bond we had. But thats just how Sisters are! Such unconditional Love! MB
So sorry to here this news, our sincere condolences. I first met Deb back in the 80's and it's been a real pleasure working with her over the years. You are all in our thoughts. Chris and Hester
I am so sorry to hear this Robbin, I hope you find comfort some how knowing she has touched and helped so many people in her life. A great woman, great wife, great friend. A simple poem that has been shared when Ive lost loved ones in my life.
Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there, I do not sleep. I am a thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint on snow. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain. When you wake in the morning hush, I am the swift, uplifting rush Of quiet birds in circling flight. I am the soft starlight at night. Do not stand at my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep. Do not stand at my grave and cry. I am not there, I did not die!
I'm glad to have known her if only a short while (and you too, Robin). Please find some comfort in knowing you supported her wishes. I know people often say 'remember the good times'; I don't agree. I say remember the bad times and know she's free of all that now. Annie
A spirit as beautiful as Deb can never truly leave us as she will live in our hearts forever. Robbin and Ryan, condolences to you both. Deb was my co-worker/friend. We worked together mostly remotely as I was in Palo Alto and she was of course in New Jersey. We spent brief periods of time together on business trips which was always a delight. In spite of the short time together, our bond was deep. I also had the good fortune to visit Deb and Robbin at their lake house which I will always cherish. Ryan, it was a delight to have you over at my house in the Bay Area in California. Deb and I were so happy that you had visited me. I would love to see you again. My heart is aching so bad for the loss.
Robbin & Ryan, may you find the strength to bear this huge loss. With love - Mani Grewal
Robbin and Ryan, My sincerest sympathies on your loss of my dear friend, Deb. We shared lots of laughs growing up in Middle Village and kept in touch on and off through the years (we got married the same year if you recall). Pete and I appreciated your warm hospitality at our visit to your lake house where the boys got to hang out with Ryan (quite a few years ago....) I am not too blog savvy and have only recently read about your battle over the past 7 years….. May Deb rest in pain-free peace and may God grant you solace and peace as well. Love, Carol & Pete
Robbin & Ryan, Our hearts are full of love and gratitude for having been touched by Deb's kindness, generosity and friendship. All of you will always hold a special place in our hearts with fondest memories of sharing day care pick duty, our friday night dinners out with the boys, fun days at the timeshare in Disney World, and Deb's mile-a-minute stories always delivered with humor and a giant smile. May these loving memories fill the hole in your heart and give you serenity. With love, Annette, Dave & Scott
Hi Robbin and Ryan - Robbin, I am so terribly sorry to have heard the latest news of Deb's passing. Deb's fight - her incredibly long and difficult fight - has had an impact on those of us who knew her, and have been lucky enough to call you both friends. From the time I met Deb - gosh it was probably about 25 years ago - her sense of humor - of vitality - lit up any room she entered. We shared many, many laughs over the years, and she has been taken from us much too soon. Robbin, you too are an old Roche friend, and though I havent yet had the pleasure of meeting Ryan, I'd like to extend to you both my heartfelt and deepest sympathies, and may God bless you always. John Carroll
I read your blog yesterday. I shared it with Pam. We had a good cry together. Your words that “the reality is so much worse than the theoretical” really struck home.
I am so sad that she is gone and so grateful that she was my friend.
You are in my thoughts, Robbin and Ryan. I couldn't possibly imagine the huge hole in your heart. Deb will help you through it, somehow. For that I am grateful. Peace to you.
Dearest Robbin and Ryan, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Deb. While we all loved her, I am sure we cannot begin to fathom the depths of your loss. With that said, I am also pretty sure that if we don't make sure to celebrate her life she is coming back to kick us all in the butt. Hence, I feel compelled to share these two snippets of life with Deb. First, could we talk about shoes? Until I met Deb I had no idea that anyone kept shoe racks with lots of shoes in their office. I mean does anyone remember that shoe rack? We’re not talking two pairs of shoes! I mean there was serious fashion preparedness going on there! OK it was a big shoe rack. But she kept it neatly tucked away under her desk so who cared? I have no idea why one day, the very day that George Abercrombie or similar top Roche executive decided to tour building 100, her shoe rack was out in the middle of the floor. Was she cleaning? Changing shoes? I have no idea! But when the executive tour came through, there it was…. on full display. What could Deb do? Move it quickly? Nope! Busted! She was totally MORTIFIED! However, that state lasted only about 3 nanoseconds. When the door shut and he had gone, we all were what would be referred to today as “ROFL”! Apparently it was not a career ender. So I finally understood that Deb had was never going to be caught “flat-footed”. If she needed heels she had them and a bunch of other styles too! Alas, little did I realize I still did not have the full picture of the state of her shoe-emergency preparedness until she and I rode somewhere in her car. What was on the floor of the passenger side of Volvo. Yep! It was another shoe rack! With more shoes! OK I finally got it! The shoe rack maybe wasn’t in the right place one day, but there would ALWAYS be the right shoe for the right occasion available. Second story, not about shoes at all. Deb and I were close in age but we grew up completely differently. She was the daughter of a man who made a living from music and I grew up with an oh so serious Army officer dad. She shared with me that as a child, the purpose of venetian blind cords was to hold onto them and sing into the “mike”, the plastic piece that held the cords together. It was pretty much karaoke before there was karaoke. She recounted standing on her bed with friends, cords in hand, putting on a real entertaining show with everyone singing. For me the purpose of venetian blind cords was to look out the window and see if anyone had dropped “the bomb” yet (we lived near DC) and which way we should be running to get away. I figured out that from that story that Deb knew much more about how to have fun than I did! She was more than happy to teach us “slow ones” though and I can never forget it. Since any of my thoughts about Deb would not be complete without music I wish to dedicate the song “There You’ll Be” (link below) to the wonderful family you have been in supporting each other through this hardest of hard times! While there is unimaginable grief I hope you will eventually be able to find new joy in the family you are becoming with the fresh promise of Ryan’s marriage. Sending you all my love and kind thoughts. And to Deb I say “It’s not good bye, it’s see ya later!
Dear Robbin, I am so sorry to hear that you lost Deb and it makes me very sad. It feels so unfair that she had to go thru all this pain and I will never forget her. She was such an inspiring and lovely person and the time we spent together at work or at your place will always stay in my memories. My sincerest sympathies and my thoughts are with you and Ryan. I wish you a lot of strength in this difficult time, Sven
Robbin, My deepest condolences!! I just received the news and I'm so sorry to hear that your Deb is gone. She was such a wonderful person with a big heart. I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to attend Spa days with her. She will truly be missed, but I know she's an angel in heaven....talking God's ear off. Believe me even the all mighty is having trouble keeping up with her. Please know that your family will be in my prayers and thoughts always. Warm Regards, Montoya Love
I'm crying uncontrollably, but I want to thank Robbin for giving her MANY many happy years. When Deb was a teen, I fancied myself as an artsy photographer. I snapped a picture of a small hat on her bare bottom. She was quite embarrassed by it and made me promise not to show anyone (I honored her wishes. After dating Robbin for a short while, she asked for a copy to show him. She knew right away that Robbin was the one. THANK YOU Robbin
ReplyDeleteSo very sorry, Robbin. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Deb was a wonderful person and will be missed dearly by all. - Kevin and Elaine Haszko
ReplyDeleteMy deepest condolences Robbin. May her soul Rest In Peace. Praying for you and your family. She touched everyone she met in a very special way. What a wonderful and a kind hearted she was!! - Manoj Kohli
ReplyDeleteMy sincere condolences on Deb's passing. She will be missed! Deb...keep on truckin in heaven! Seth Monkarsh
ReplyDeleteRobbin, I really don't know what to say. I am very sorry that Debbie had to go through these last seven years of suffering. I find it amazing that someone could have the strength to fight for so long, and the courage and determination to end it like she did. Those are things that I'm sure I could not do for myself. I admire and respect Debbie to no end. I will always remember her with the same love and affection that always showed me.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you and Ryan. May God continue to give you strength to live through these very hard times.
I love you very much my brother.
Teo
Hi Robbin,
ReplyDeleteI just tried to post--twice--on the blog and I think what I wrote was lost. Also tried to email, but it wouldn't send. I need you or Ryan to help!!
Ed, Kate and I send our deepest sympathy. I know that we have grown apart, but I remember those dinners, the time at the lake and the warmth that you shared with us and especially Kate. Deb was my friend, always ready to give advice and to help. I remember working with Deb as my client, helping her to speak more clearly, hoping that she wouldn't give up, that she would keep using her voice...
I know that she researched and planned everything. She was always in charge, including orchestrating her own end. I know from personal experience that losing someone is never easy, whether or not it is expected. My mother lived for 26 years after a horrendous car accident, leaving her neurologically impaired. My father lived his life, as always, with his dog and wife by his side, falling one day and never regaining consciousness. Both deaths were excruciatingly painful for me... as I'm sure Deb's passing is for you and Ryan. The emptiness and pain and sadness stay with you, although time does heal. The good memories are real and help to ease the pain.
Please let Ryan know that we are thinking of him. He spent a good few years with us and he made high school bearable for Kate. He gave her confidence and helped to form the person she is now. I see that he is planning to get married and I wish them the best.
If you do come down to Glen Ridge (or nearby), please let us know. And if you are having a service here, please be in touch. I will keep checking the blog.
With love and sadness,
Jeri, Ed and Kate
I'm sorry for your loss. You really were the perfect husband according to Deb and I hope God will comfort your sorrows. I am always here for you and Ryan whenever you need. I know this is tough but I'm hoping my mom will be a friend to her in heaven the way Deb has been a friend to me.
ReplyDeleteVery saddened by this news. My condolences to you and your family. I wish I had been on the east coast and had gotten a chance to be in her presence one last time. She was a beautiful human being, who exuded light- I always felt good when around her. She is one of a few people who have that ability to make others feel good no matter how hard her day has been. She will be greatly missed. May she Rest In Peace.
ReplyDeleteNalini
Robbin, Finally I am "publishing" on this blog! This is so "Carlson-ish". An excellent way for so many people, from all over to share stories of Deb! Deb - who taught me many things about a computer, who made it simple and enjoyable. And now, who knows how many times I tried to write on this from my IPad and it went......well.... who knows where!!!! Silly! What a hoot! Deb & I were always silly! So many great memories. Such love.
ReplyDeleteWhat a deep bond we had. But thats just how Sisters are! Such unconditional Love! MB
So sorry to here this news, our sincere condolences. I first met Deb back in the 80's and it's been a real pleasure working with her over the years. You are all in our thoughts. Chris and Hester
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this Robbin, I hope you find comfort some how knowing she has touched and helped so many people in her life. A great woman, great wife, great friend. A simple poem that has been shared when Ive lost loved ones in my life.
ReplyDeleteDo not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!
I'm glad to have known her if only a short while (and you too, Robin). Please find some comfort in knowing you supported her wishes. I know people often say 'remember the good times'; I don't agree. I say remember the bad times and know she's free of all that now.
ReplyDeleteAnnie
A spirit as beautiful as Deb can never truly leave us as she will live in our hearts forever. Robbin and Ryan, condolences to you both. Deb was my co-worker/friend. We worked together mostly remotely as I was in Palo Alto and she was of course in New Jersey. We spent brief periods of time together on business trips which was always a delight. In spite of the short time together, our bond was deep. I also had the good fortune to visit Deb and Robbin at their lake house which I will always cherish. Ryan, it was a delight to have you over at my house in the Bay Area in California. Deb and I were so happy that you had visited me. I would love to see you again.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is aching so bad for the loss.
Robbin & Ryan, may you find the strength to bear this huge loss. With love - Mani Grewal
Robbin and Ryan,
ReplyDeleteMy sincerest sympathies on your loss of my dear friend, Deb. We shared lots of laughs growing up in Middle Village and kept in touch on and off through the years (we got married the same year if you recall). Pete and I appreciated your warm hospitality at our visit to your lake house where the boys got to hang out with Ryan (quite a few years ago....) I am not too blog savvy and have only recently read about your battle over the past 7 years….. May Deb rest in pain-free peace and may God grant you solace and peace as well.
Love,
Carol & Pete
Robbin & Ryan,
ReplyDeleteOur hearts are full of love and gratitude for having been touched by Deb's kindness, generosity and friendship. All of you will always hold a special place in our hearts with fondest memories of sharing day care pick duty, our friday night dinners out with the boys, fun days at the timeshare in Disney World, and Deb's mile-a-minute stories always delivered with humor and a giant smile. May these loving memories fill the hole in your heart and give you serenity.
With love,
Annette, Dave & Scott
Hi Robbin and Ryan - Robbin, I am so terribly sorry to have heard the latest news of Deb's passing. Deb's fight - her incredibly long and difficult fight - has had an impact on those of us who knew her, and have been lucky enough to call you both friends. From the time I met Deb - gosh it was probably about 25 years ago - her sense of humor - of vitality - lit up any room she entered. We shared many, many laughs over the years, and she has been taken from us much too soon. Robbin, you too are an old Roche friend, and though I havent yet had the pleasure of meeting Ryan, I'd like to extend to you both my heartfelt and deepest sympathies, and may God bless you always.
ReplyDeleteJohn Carroll
Robbin:
ReplyDeleteI read your blog yesterday. I shared it with Pam. We had a good cry together. Your words that “the reality is so much worse than the theoretical” really struck home.
I am so sad that she is gone and so grateful that she was my friend.
Giff
You are in my thoughts, Robbin and Ryan. I couldn't possibly imagine the huge hole in your heart. Deb will help you through it, somehow. For that I am grateful. Peace to you.
ReplyDeleteDearest Robbin and Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Deb. While we all loved her, I am sure we cannot begin to fathom the depths of your loss. With that said, I am also pretty sure that if we don't make sure to celebrate her life she is coming back to kick us all in the butt. Hence, I feel compelled to share these two snippets of life with Deb.
First, could we talk about shoes? Until I met Deb I had no idea that anyone kept shoe racks with lots of shoes in their office. I mean does anyone remember that shoe rack? We’re not talking two pairs of shoes! I mean there was serious fashion preparedness going on there! OK it was a big shoe rack. But she kept it neatly tucked away under her desk so who cared? I have no idea why one day, the very day that George Abercrombie or similar top Roche executive decided to tour building 100, her shoe rack was out in the middle of the floor. Was she cleaning? Changing shoes? I have no idea! But when the executive tour came through, there it was…. on full display. What could Deb do? Move it quickly? Nope! Busted! She was totally MORTIFIED! However, that state lasted only about 3 nanoseconds. When the door shut and he had gone, we all were what would be referred to today as “ROFL”! Apparently it was not a career ender. So I finally understood that Deb had was never going to be caught “flat-footed”. If she needed heels she had them and a bunch of other styles too! Alas, little did I realize I still did not have the full picture of the state of her shoe-emergency preparedness until she and I rode somewhere in her car. What was on the floor of the passenger side of Volvo. Yep! It was another shoe rack! With more shoes! OK I finally got it! The shoe rack maybe wasn’t in the right place one day, but there would ALWAYS be the right shoe for the right occasion available.
Second story, not about shoes at all. Deb and I were close in age but we grew up completely differently. She was the daughter of a man who made a living from music and I grew up with an oh so serious Army officer dad. She shared with me that as a child, the purpose of venetian blind cords was to hold onto them and sing into the “mike”, the plastic piece that held the cords together. It was pretty much karaoke before there was karaoke. She recounted standing on her bed with friends, cords in hand, putting on a real entertaining show with everyone singing. For me the purpose of venetian blind cords was to look out the window and see if anyone had dropped “the bomb” yet (we lived near DC) and which way we should be running to get away. I figured out that from that story that Deb knew much more about how to have fun than I did! She was more than happy to teach us “slow ones” though and I can never forget it.
Since any of my thoughts about Deb would not be complete without music I wish to dedicate the song “There You’ll Be” (link below) to the wonderful family you have been in supporting each other through this hardest of hard times! While there is unimaginable grief I hope you will eventually be able to find new joy in the family you are becoming with the fresh promise of Ryan’s marriage. Sending you all my love and kind thoughts. And to Deb I say “It’s not good bye, it’s see ya later!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwyWmqV_RJc
Robin Fralick
Dear Robbin, I am so sorry to hear that you lost Deb and it makes me very sad. It feels so unfair that she had to go thru all this pain and I will never forget her. She was such an inspiring and lovely person and the time we spent together at work or at your place will always stay in my memories. My sincerest sympathies and my thoughts are with you and Ryan. I wish you a lot of strength in this difficult time, Sven
ReplyDeleteRobbin,
ReplyDeleteReally sorry to hear about Deb. Keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
Steve F
Robbin, My deepest condolences!!
ReplyDeleteI just received the news and I'm so sorry to hear that your Deb is gone. She was such a wonderful person with a big heart. I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to attend Spa days with her. She will truly be missed, but I know she's an angel in heaven....talking God's ear off. Believe me even the all mighty is having trouble keeping up with her. Please know that your family will be in my prayers and thoughts always.
Warm Regards,
Montoya Love